🔗 Share this article

The Prosecution: One Friend's Perspective

Sometimes she films me while having a meal. It's jarring to spot myself on her Instagram – it feels like a jumpscare.

My best friend of a decade, Marielle, labels herself the “creativity monarch”. It’s fun for a short while, but it weighs on our relationship.

She is an extrovert, she feels the need to record everything constantly. During meals out, her motto is, “The phone eats first,” and takes photos with bright lighting, which induces embarrassment. It's unpleasant when strangers see her performing for the camera – I experience secondhand embarrassment. It also frustrates me because the food gets cold.

She's not quite an influencer yet, but she is trying to be. She makes video blogs about living in our city, her daily routine, and her styling career. The material is quality, credit where it's due, but I don’t want to be dragged into it. Sometimes she films me while dining, or just accompanying her. Later, I appear on her feed afterwards, and it pops up like a surprise: I’ll have bare-faced, an awkward face or be captured while eating. It feels invasive.

Marielle also expects me to film her at inopportune moments. Sometimes I’ll be talking to another person, or we're simply spending time in the street. The dynamic feels like our bond has transformed into me being her free crew. She could easily hire someone if she wanted professional shots. When I brought up my discomfort about this arrangement, she brushed it off. I've been invited to several brand events, which were appreciated, but that doesn't compensate for all the time and effort I spend assisting her create material.

I’m grateful that Marielle has helped me with my design career, but I resist our connection to become merely a tally of exchanges. I don’t feel she's insincere or dishonest, but sometimes I feel that if the camera is out, we will start performing in a way that makes us look good for her vlog.

Her directive is, “OK, look happy!” and record me smiling with someone. It’s so silly. It's crucial her to recognize that our decade-long friendship still has boundaries. I enjoy being with her, but I also want to enjoy it without being recorded, edited, or posted for an viewers. I am not a prop for her online persona.

The Defence: Marielle

I hope my friend to see that the creations we make together can get us a foot in the door.

I am passionate about shooting content. It’s not just a pastime; it's integral to who I am. Producing content and documenting experiences online enables me to show my personality and connect with people in novel forms.

I wouldn't label myself as a professional creator yet, but it’s smart to make money from your interests. I admire people on social platforms who pull off that aesthetic of informal, self-made film-making.

Content creation is my version of living actively: observing the details, posting them with an viewership that appreciates the art behind it. It's never my aim to make my friend uncomfortable. Bringing her to professional gatherings was my way of offering access, providing her a chance to experience exclusive moments that could benefit her career in design too. That isn't blackmail, it's simply being pragmatic.

I’d still take her to such functions even if she refused to assist me, but I want her to see what the work we make together can achieve: an opening. I know not everyone enjoys being filmed, but often unplanned moments is what makes content genuine. Appearing on video from time to time is an inherent aspect of being my companion. I'd remove anything she requested, but she has never asked yet.

I don't demand anybody to be my personal filmmaker, but friends help each other in minor capacities. My assumption was filming a short video here or there would be enjoyable for Beth. Creativity thrives in collaboration, and having my friend around makes endeavors lively and pleasurable. I never force her to take part in anything, and I’d never deliberately humiliate her. But creating content jointly occasionally is part of how I document our shared experiences.

I value our friendship deeply and don’t want content creation to drive a wedge between us. I’m willing to find middle ground: like requesting permission before recording, and steering clear of angles that might make her self-conscious.

This is not about power, it's regarding expressing my perspective while still respecting hers. Clearly content creation is not a substitute for real connection: it's merely part of how I live my life and I desire her to be involved in a way that’s agreeable for each of us.

The Jury: Reader Opinions

Should Marielle stop filming herself and her friend when they are out together?

Nothing is more excruciating than having a friend film you. I understand that it's her passion, but I don’t make friends come to my workplace. Maybe she can find influencer friends to create content with. With the uncertain future of AI, human connections are the only thing we have – cherish them!
Liberty, 25

If you’re doing something as a career, it's unfair to expect your friends for assistance every time, even if they have done it before. If Marielle loves shooting, that doesn’t mean all those around her is willing material. She must to honor her friend's personal space.
Another reader, 26

She may enjoy making content and showing off her life publicly, but it isn't for everyone. It’s nice she has helped Beth’s career, but she must to listen to what Beth wants.
Emma, 27

It seems like you care about each other, so cling to that and make sure it’s the priority in your friendship. Create some authentic memories, where genuine feelings are preserved, not digital scrapbooks. In fact, public figures who seem to reveal their worlds actually have more privacy than it seems.
One opinion, 53

Marielle appears to be neither present nor genuine when they're together – she's on the job. Each appears unsure as to where the line is. The solution is not found in trying to alter one another, but in each establishing defined boundaries around what is comfortable to them and determining if there is an mutually agreeable middle ground.
A final view, 71

Now You Be the Judge

Consider this question: is Marielle exploiting their friendship?